Bella Weier, a junior at Pioneer High School shares her true nature through the questionnaire created by the French essayist and novelist Marcel Proust.
What is your idea of perfect happiness? Doing things that make you feel light and not worrying about being someone, just worrying about the way you feel. [My idea is] doing things in life that make you feel proud of yourself doing things that make you inspired. What is your greatest fear? Dying before I’m satisfied with the life I’ve lived. Or, dying young because I feel like before I die, I don’t just want to do things and go places, but I just want to feel satisfied with the person I was and how I treated people. I still have a lot of things to work out, and my greatest fear is never getting the chance to do those things. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? I guess my tendency to overthink and be a perfectionist because I feel like I’ve spent a lot of time worrying about things when it just wasn’t that bad. What is the trait you most deplore in others? Ignorance. Not seeing other people’s side of things and having so much pride that they can’t admit when they’re wrong. If something is wrong with my friend, I want to have a mature discussion about it and not an argument. Which living person do you most admire? There’s a YouTuber named Hannah Lee Duggan. She lives in a cabin, and when she’s not in her cabin, she travels in a van. She makes a living off YouTube and selling thrifted clothes. I like her because she’s not trying to impress people. She’s very carefree. She’s kind of the person I want to be because she just explores and doesn’t hesitate to do what she wants. What is your current state of mind? Every year I struggle with different things. I’m much more confident than I used to be about how I look, but now I’m more insecure about my inside. I’m doing okay, and I’m getting by, but I’m insecure a lot. I’m always filtering what I say, and I don’t know if it’s the people I’m around or a personal issue. On what occasion do you lie? I lie and say I’m happy when I’m not. I know people will support me, but I just want to be seen as someone who has their life together. I want to be a role model for people, but a lot of time I just need help, and I’m afraid to ask for it. What do you most dislike about your appearance? I have a butt chin, and I hate it. What is the greatest love of your life? My passion is art, and it’s something that I’ve always been a natural at. But it’s also something that I’m very passionate about growing in. I love and see art in everything. I’m a very visual person and just getting outside, taking a walk or making food — I see it as art. Which talent would you most like to have? I want to learn how to knit because I want to be a grandma, and I can’t be a grandma unless I know how to knit. Also, I like making people presents. It feels more personal. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would make myself have more of a work ethic because even though I stress out about school, sometimes I’ll just stress out and then not do it. I’ll just find it hard to get started. I can work once I get going. But I wish I had a lot more motivation than I do. If you were to die and come back as a person or thing what would it be? I’d come back as a deer. My personality is like theirs. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Not understanding yourself. In times of my life where I didn’t really have anyone else, I always thought, ’At least I have myself. At least I know who I am, and I know what I want.’ And I’m still inspired by things. I’m still feeling things, and the worst thing would be not knowing who I am and not really having a sense of identity. What is your favorite occupation? It would be really cool to own a shop or an art gallery. I don’t want to work for a big corporation or anything; I want to work independently. What do you value in your friends the most? I like friends that I can be funny and serious with, where it doesn’t feel like there’s pressure on me to be a perfect, happy person. Who is your hero of fiction? He’s not really a hero, but it’s someone that I find comfort in. Noah from “I’ll Give you the Sun.” I see a lot of myself in him. The way he’s very timid and very much a perfectionist and hard on himself if he doesn’t do everything the way he wants to. What are your favorite names? I like gender-neutral names like Peyton, Robin or Alex. What is it that you most dislike? When people judge other people for the things they love to do. And if I see someone doing something weird in public, like dancing, or just doing something weird, I try not to assume because I don’t like it when other people do that with me. What is your greatest regret? Not living in the moment because I really didn’t know how special that moment was gonna be later. A lot of the things I can’t do now. Like going to camp when I was little and going on vacations with my family when I was a kid; I wish I cared about it a lot more. How would you like to die? I don’t want to be afraid; I want to be at peace with it. When I’m old, maybe on vacation, after a really good night. Not in an ugly hospital in pain. In my sleep — when I’m happy. What is your motto? Regretting things can’t change the past