A CHS Senior rides the ups and downs of self discovery and learning to live for herself.
January 11, 2023
She spent her freshman year wanting to stay out of other people’s business in the hope that they would stay out of hers. As an introvert, Margolis struggled with her self-image and confidence.
When Margolis first stepped foot in CHS, she didn’t have many friends. Most of her middle school friends went to their designated high school and she felt out of place.
“I didn’t have the confidence to go up and meet anyone,” Margolis said. “I just remember walking down the hallways, holding my school stuff, looking down and trying not to make eye contact with anyone.”
Her mind was filled thinking about the opinions of others so she learned to keep to herself, even though that wasn’t how she wanted to live.
“I thought every time I walked past someone they were thinking badly of me,” Margolis said. “I was always thinking something negative about myself and my confidence got worse from there.”
With age, Margolis’s confidence bloomed. Gaining confidence was not linear for Margolis, but the process began unintentionally. Halfway through her freshman year, the pandemic took over her life. She was forced to spend time alone — something that unexpectedly benefitted her. She had time to work on herself and acknowledge the things she didn’t like about who she was. Recognizing those things and viewing them in a positive light changed her perspective and her confidence grew.
Once Margolis became aware of the improvements she wanted to make, she worked toward spending less time on her phone. She acknowledges the benefits of social media, but it forced her to think she had to go out and hangout with friends all the time. Taking time away from her phone showed her that she didn’t need other people’s company — that it was okay to be home alone on a Friday night.
She began taking more time for herself and doing things she enjoyed: washing her face every night, picking out an outfit the night before school, making her bed in the morning and other smaller aspects of her life that she found fulfilling. Once she felt happy and more put together, it reflected in the way she held herself.
“I’m not worried about what I have to wear to impress other people,” Margolis said. “I’m not trying to impress and satisfy everyone else. I just want to look good for myself. I want to feel good for myself and when I do, I don’t care what people think about it anymore. If I like how I look and I like how I feel, then it doesn’t matter how other people see me at all.”
This mindset change helped her move into a more positive lifestyle. As Margolis began to feel more secure with herself, she could feel the negativity slowly leave her mind.
“You don’t have to love everything about yourself, but you don’t want to dwell on those things,” Margolis said. “Healing is not a smooth process and is not a measurable thing, but I think I’m finally at the point where I’ve healed.”