Here’s a little riddle: what’s sparkly, sexy and extremely popular? No, it’s not Ke$ha; it’s this generation’s version of a vampire. Or at least The Twilight Saga’s version. 

“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn” starring Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner, was certainly entertaining, but not for the reasons the creators intended. The series’ story takes a turn for the down-and-dirty when sexy vampire Edward (Pattinson) marries average human Bella (Stewart). And it only gets worse from there. We get a detailed look at their honeymoon, during which their teenage hormones get the best of them. Edward and Bella do the unspeakable while Bella’s best friend, werewolf Jacob (Lautner), mopes around. Bella gets pregnant with a vampire-human baby, and then everyone starts to break down. Sounds crazy, no?

And crazy it was. The acting was horrid from almost everyone in the cast. The actors tended to duck their heads when scenes got emotional, and it quickly became apparent that their only appeal was their beauty. Stewart in particular gave a poor performance; her emotions could only be measured by how emphatic her breaths were. Overall, the cast needed some work.

However, a lot of the fault can be put on screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg. The writing was inadequate, to say the least. Though many of the lines were taken straight from Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight books, the dialogue was awkward and stilted, which made for a very funny two hours.

A particularly entertaining scene involved the werewolves communicating telepathically. The combination of bad computer generated wolves and weak dialogue had me rolling in my seat laughing.

The most horrid parts of the movie, though, were the scenes with blatant anti-abortion propaganda and product placement, and those that glorified the abusive relationships in the series. After the overly dramatic sex scene, Bella is covered in bruises from Edward’s super strength. She justifies it, though, by saying that Edward just loves her too much. That’s not really a message the tween audience of this movie should be hearing.

Overall, don’t go see this movie if you’re looking for a touching love story. If you’re looking for a comedy, or something a little horrifying, then this movie is definitely one to see. Just don’t complain when you wonder why you spent seven dollars on this.