After four hours of constant pushing, a one hour break and four more hours—the doctors told her she had to stop. Her baby was flipped. Her baby was sideways. “My pushing was bruising up her face and they said if I pushed anymore it would snap her neck, so I couldn’t push, but that was really hard because your body wants to push,” said Smith.
A C-section was necessary and she was only allowed to chose one person to come in the room with her. Her mom was unconscious during the majority of the labor because she could not handle the intensity of the situation. Smith refused to let her fiancé, JeQuan Russell, be in the room because she didn’t want to scare him, so she chose her stepmom because she is closest to Smith and knows her medical history the best. This would be the first of many decisions where Smith would need to be strong.
The prepping for the surgery was “the most horrific hour ever.” She was forced to get an epidural to help with the pain.
Smith was conscious during the surgery. “They gave me this drug and it numbed me from my shoulders down and I couldn’t feel anything and I couldn’t move anything. I heard them cut me open, and they took these clamps and spread my body open, basically, and then plopped her over onto my chest when they were done,” said Smith.
Smith was overjoyed when she saw her baby for the first time. “I knew from the beginning that she was going to be a very happy baby, because she didn’t cry like most babies did. She just stuck her tongue out at me,” said Smith.
After seeing the baby’s unique disposition, Smith knew what her baby would be called: Jordyn Joy.
“They washed her up and brought her back to her dad while I recovered and they stitched me up. So that’s how the labor went, 36 hours,” said Smith.
For Smith, the delivery could not even begin to compare to what came later. “Getting home and holding a baby that is the size of your hand, sitting there like, ‘What now?’ That’s the hardest part. You really just don’t know what to do. It’s overwhelming when you get home,” she said.
Attending a University of Michigan parenting class was the extent of Smith and her fiance’s preparation for Jordyn. “We just figured we would see how it is when she got here. Our reason was because every baby is different and we didn’t really know how she is yet. So we just wanted to get to know each other and prepare ourselves when she got here.”
As the weeks passed by and they got to know each other, Smith and Jordyn began to develop a routine. Wake up at 6am. Feed her oatmeal with fruit. Give her a bath. Put her down for a nap. Fill out job applications and clean while she sleeps. Feed her. Play with her. Put her to sleep at 8pm. Give her bottle at 11pm when she wakes up—then again at 4am. 6 am she wakes up—repeat.
“There are days when I want to pull my hair out because I want to go to sleep and she just wants to bounce around and play and climb over everything. Climb, climb, climb. And I just want to go to sleep,” said Smith.
However, Smith does not raise Jordyn alone. She lives with her mother, younger brother, two younger sisters and her stepdad; they are Smith’s support system. “My mom is just the best grandma ever. She was always, ‘Let me hold her, I want to rock her to sleep.’ She is all for ‘I need you to do this on your own to grow up,’ but she does help a lot. If I ever feel the need to go out with some friends or something like that she will volunteer to watch Jordyn.”
Smith’s dad and stepmom, although they do not live with Smith, play a vital role in Jordyn and Smith’s life. To Smith, her step mom has always been more like a best friend. She spoils Jordyn with clothes and attention. Smith’s dad also adores Jordyn, and is very supportive of Smith. “We always joke about how [Jordyn] doesn’t have [my dad] wrapped around one finger, she has him wrapped around both fingers,” she said.
Though Smith has some support from her fiancé, their relationship is currently long distance. Smith and Russell are only together for three months a year. Russell is nine hours away at Northern Michigan University (NMU) on an academic scholarship working towards his child psychology degree. “When he first left it was hard for me. So for about the first week after he left, I was very angry at him, but I didn’t want to be angry at him because I knew he was doing it for the best. But it came out sometimes and he would say, ‘Why are you mad?’ and I would say, ‘I shouldn’t be, I’m sorry.’ But now it’s fine,” she said.
To deal with the distance, Smith and Russell use Skype. However, Russell is concerned that Jordyn will not recognize him. “She knows his voice if he’s on the phone… [But] he’s so worried that she wont know him when she sees him… I don’t know how she’ll act when she sees him,” said Smith.
Despite the long distance, Smith does not feel that Jordyn has stressed her relationship with Russell. In fact, the delivery brought them closer together. “In the delivery room, we got to know each other quite a bit. It was hard on him because he didn’t like to see me go through all of that. Because of the medicine and all of that, I was throwing up a lot. Anytime I would regain consciousness I would throw up and it was almost always on him, so I kept feeling really bad, but he was always like, ‘It’s okay, it’s okay.’ It brought us really close because I realized that he was really there to stay, and he was very involved with everything,” said Smith.
While Russell attends NMU, Smith plans to finish up her GED at A2Tech. Smith believes that it is the quickest way to be able to support herself. After Russell returns from NMU, they will move in together. Smith will then pursue her dream of going to college.
One of the biggest challenges Smith faces is making decisions on how to raise Jordyn. “With all of the parents I have and [Russell’s] family, they think they always know what is best for me…I have to be very careful about what I do because people are so quick to make judgements and jump to the conclusion that I must not be a good mom because I am young or because I am doing this alone for the time being. It’s hard to make decisions about what you think is right and what really is right,” she said.
An example of this is the controversy over Smith posting Jordyn’s pictures on Facebook. “I put a lot of Jordyn’s life on Facebook. The first time she crawled I put it on Facebook, any pictures, you know if she’s sleeping, I put it on Facebook. Her first bath I put on Facebook. A lot of people are always like, ‘you shouldn’t do that; she’s too young to have her whole life up on Facebook’. My family is all around, and they want to see her too. I post it all on Facebook and people don’t really like that. Other than my family, everyone thinks it’s kind of wrong; it’s a teen mom thing to do,” said Smith. Smith also faces other stereotypes of being a teen mom. “A big one is [when I say] my fiancé and I, they’re like, ‘fiancé? You guys aren’t going to last, you guys got together when you were teenagers.’”
Another assumption is that Smith will fail to get a college education. “[The assumption that] I won’t go to college is another one and that’s my biggest pet peeve, because I really, really want to go to college. I want to get some type of degree and have some kind of accomplishment to my name and be able to say that I’ve done something, at least,” she said.
Though there are stressful times, Smith can pinpoint the greatest pleasures of being a mom. “I don’t want to be up at 6 in the morning, but she sleeps in the same bed as me…so she’ll crawl over and usually drool all over my face which doesn’t sound pleasurable, but she’s giving me so many kisses. She’s not an affectionate person so I really like it when I’m trying to sleep and she’ll whisper in my ear and say ‘momomomomomom’ and I don’t want to be up, but it’s so cute. I can’t help but cuddle her back. It’s so nice, just to hold her,” said Smith.
Jordyn has changed Smith’s life for the better. Before she had Jordyn, Smith rarely attended school. “I’d have to say I’m a lot more determined. I had no goals whatsoever. I guess my biggest goal was to be the biggest socialite that I could be, but now it’s not about that. It’s more like ‘How can I be more responsible?’ How I can take care of her on my own is really my biggest goal right now,” she said.
Smith and Russell feel very strongly about setting a good example for Jordyn. “I just want to provide for her by myself and make sure whatever I do, when she gets to be my age… I can say ‘You should do this because I did this and look how well we turned out,’ said Smith.
They have specific goals for Jordyn’s future. “We want her to do well in high school. We want her to be into a lot of activities like sports or art or music. That’s something we both decided we’re gonna work hard on… anything that we can possibly get her into.”
But their main goal is to raise Jordyn to have good values. “ I definitely want her to be a kind person. Especially in high school, because I wasn’t a kind person at all…I want her to be accepting of everyone because I don’t feel like I was,” she said.
Smith knows it won’t be easy.
