Pokemon Soccer Catches Them All

Wide World. Sports. 8:25 a.m. Nothing for breakfast. Everything on the line.

 Karl Gage surged down the field, expertly maneuvering his way through a maze of try-hards and lesser athletes that served as his competition. Forehead slick with liquid exertion, he glanced to the side, taking note of his elite squad-mates all around. The clock was ticking- only twelve seconds remained in the half. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the vicious and agile Eliza Upton shouldering a 6’2 weakling to the ground. She was now open.

He passed the ball to his left with time still running down, and made his way into position in front of the goal. With expert footwork, Upton flicked the ball into the air, and Gage sent it into the opponents’ goal with a thunderous kick. They scored with three seconds to go in the half. Pokemon Soccer: 105. Other Lame Team: 3.

For the elite squad under the title of Pokemon Soccer, this was nothing out of the ordinary. For the past decade, Pokemon has remained unstoppable as the most dominant Rec League team at any point in historical record.

“I had a really good feeling we were going to win this game,” said Junior Hannah Simon, the team captain. “Because we’re the better team. That’s all.”

There was absolutely nothing in the team’s performance that would refute Simon’s claim. Every single player contributed to the team- from Mitesh Patel’s superior kicking strength, to Claire Fendrick’s lightning-fast reflexes, to Jake Ressler’s stalwart defense, to Gabe Kardia’s intimidating muscles. It’s no surprise that by the time the game finished with a final score of Pokemon Soccer: 238, Other Lame Team: -7, the opposition had tears streaming down their faces.

“It was actually pretty slippery out there,” said Gage, referring to the fact that the field was soaked in teardrops by the end of the first half. Gage himself led the Pokemon offense on that particular day, and was responsible for half of his team’s goals.

Wide World of Sports is a haven for rec league soccer, and early on Sunday mornings, the facility is filled with the cries of teammates and onlookers alike. Pokemon’s competition ranges from casual players looking for a pick-up game once a week, to seasoned athletes aiming to hone their skills. Regardless, they all end up the same: defeated. This particular game was, as previously mentioned, no exception.

“I just want to say that I love our team because we’re better than everyone else, and because there’s nobody out there that can beat us.” said Junior Emily Hatch, who used her incredible speed to completely shut the opposition down on defense.

Pokemon soccer brings more to the table than just skill alone. The team plays with a synchronous flow and unconquerable spirit, encouraging each other and building off of one another’s strengths. They do not simply win by scoring more goals than their opponents. They win physically, mentally, and spiritually. Alone, each of these star athletes could shine on any team of their choosing, but when this co-ed congregation unites, they become truly unstoppable. As such, Pokemon has attracted quite a large fanbase.

“It was a good game out there,” said striker Avery Farmer, who had blazed across the field like a fireball of athleticism for the entire game. “We really showed out for the fans, gave they came to see. We won the game by a little bit. As you can tell, it’s about 100-0 in our favor. The fans were really supportive, really there for us when we needed them. I’m just happy we were able to perform and to score as many goals as we did.”

“You know why I’m here.” said Kardia, passing the ball to his teammate Jesse, who effortlessly scored with a flick of the ankle. “To win.”

Pokemon soccer will continue to play on Sundays at their usual time, and as far as this journalist can tell, there will be no stopping them. From now, until a time when rec soccer is no longer cool, Pokemon will reign.

“Pokemon forever,” said Simon. “Pokemon forever.”