Let’s do some math:

City of Ann Arbor water rate: 126.99 gallons per 1 U.S. dollar.

Bottled water: 12 ounces per 1 U.S. dollar.

One gallon of water: 128 ounces.

Ann Arbor water: 16,254.72 ounces per dollar.

Bottled water costs 1354.56 times as much, per ounce, than city water.

So why do people buy bottled water?

I mean, come on, who likes paying 1354.56 times as much for the same product?

And that’s only accounting for a 12 ounce, one dollar bottle of water. Think about all the people who buy water for three dollars!

What are you paying for when you buy bottled water?

Water? That’s not even a cent! You know what you’re really paying for? You’re paying for a cheap, flimsy plastic bottle to be shipped across the state, or country, or wherever. Across the world, sometimes.

Doesn’t it feel great to know that you’re buying a plastic bottle and associated transportation for over 1350 times the price of the product?

And it’s not like bottled water is of higher quality than Ann Arbor city water. Ann Arbor’s water is filtered using chemicals and ozone, in addition to layers of natural materials, like sand and gravel, to remove contaminants. Ann Arbor’s water is also alkaline, with pH levels ranging from 7 to 9.

And just to clarify, Ann Arbor’s water will make you run as fast, jump as high, and be as healthy as “fitness water” and other stuff like that. Why? Because it’s the exact same stuff. Water. Two hydrogen molecules and one oxygen.

The only benefit to bottled water over tap water is that you can buy it anywhere. But you can drink city water anywhere, too. You just have to carry it in your own bottle. Anyone capable of doing a cost benefit analysis can see that the purchase of even a high end water bottle will be minimal when compared to the cost of buying bottled water.

So why are people still buying and drinking bottled water? Do they love the taste of plastic? Love knowing that they’re falling for stupid marketing ploys? Love spending over 1350 times the cost of a product?

Come on, people. We should be smarter than this.

Oh, what’s that? You don’t trust my numbers? I made math mistakes?

Well, how about you go the City of Ann Arbor Water Treatment Plant open house, to be told by water experts pretty much the exact same thing I wrote here — buying bottled water for everyday drinking is stupid. It’s on the first Saturday in May every year.