On March 13th, 2020 I was 13 years old.

The weekend before the lockdown I was busy doing one of my favorite things: performing.

There is always a comfort that comes from the beginning stage lights, the smell of hairspray, bringing joy to other people and the serotonin that shoots through you as you step on stage. It is an indescribable feeling. Comfort was certainly what I needed in the near future.

My dance studio was putting on a show called Collected Works. During the weeks leading up to opening night,we had heard rumblings about a new virus, then called the Coronavirus, but we all thought it would pass.

If I had known this would be the last time I was in that place of comfort for about two years, the experience would’ve been completely different.

The show went about like any other performance. We had a tech week, dress rehearsals, insanely messy dressing rooms and a green room full of snacks and activities to use during and in between shows. In hindsight, it definitely wouldn’t have been COVID friendly. I remember the show being the same as any others. There was live music and a mixed program of ballet, tap and jazz.

Four days after the last show, we found out that we would be having an extended spring break in school as well as dance.

My friends and I talked about the lockdown in our group chat and talked about how crazy it was that we were just performing. I felt grateful that we were able to put on the show after all the hard work we put in. It was also the last show we had performed in almost 2 years.

Throughout my life I have moved houses, moved schools, and moved friend groups but the one thing that has always stayed consistent is dance. Even throughout the pandemic, dance was still there. My friends and I would do classes over facetime and after a few months the studio started opening classes for us to do on Zoom. It was different, but it was a bit more normal than the crazy state of the world at the time.

During the initial lockdown, I craved comfort and dance brought me that.

As the year moved on and what would normally be Nutcracker season came around, it was so weird to not be going to rehearsals and hearing the Nutcracker music playing during this time of year.

I never realized how much I really do loved the rehearsals, the shows and the endless hours spent at the studio, until it was all gone.

This year we had a Nutcracker, and although it was extremely different from the years before, it was still amazing and I will always have a different outlook on performing now more than ever.