What is your idea of perfect happiness? Just being content with the biggest parts of my life. What is your greatest fear? Suffocating. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? My lack of shame. What is the trait you most deplore in others? Dishonesty. What is your current state of mind? A little crazy right now. What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Being good at math. On what occasion do you lie? I don’t lie enough. What do you most dislike about your appearance? Not a fan of my nose. Which living person do you most despise? Anyone who doesn’t tip. What is the quality you most like in a woman? All of it. Which words or phrases do you most overuse? Weird, outdated catchphrases and euphemisms. When and where were you happiest? When I came out of the gym locker room and then biked home while smiling and listening to ABBA. Which talent would you most like to have? Being able to play the harp really well, it seems so out of reach for the normal person to be able to play it. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I wish I was a little less rash about my decisions. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Making it through the hardest periods of my life. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? Definitely a mallard. Where would you most like to live? Somewhere in the woods in a house with at least 4 floors and so many rugs. What is your most treasured possession? My bed, I paid for every part by cleaning and selling homemade bagels. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Guilt is my least favorite feeling. What is your favorite occupation? I respect all to most artists. What is your most marked characteristic? My humor. What do you most value in your friends? Acceptance and the ability to be completely yourself. Who are your favorite writers? I don’t read a lot but I enjoy poetry. But don’t ask me any names because I won’t know them. Which historical figure do you most identify with? Goldilocks. Who are your heroes in real life? Fiona Apple has perfected the art of putting such raw anger into beautiful music and I admire the way she stands up for herself in the face of adversity. What are your favorite names? Mark is such a funny name and I like really stupid names like Oak or Boston. What is it that you most dislike? Scratchy socks and bland people. What is your greatest regret? Accidentally turning down a free donut in 2nd grade. How would you like to die? In a really stupid way like falling in the shower and hitting my head. What is your motto? My name is Hazel.