Sporked: Seniors Take on Plastic Culinary Mutants, Each Other

During lunch on Tuesday Feb. 10, Claire Fendrick’s phone rang. She picked up and on the other end heard a story of grief and controversy: Aly Reynolds had been sporked while driving. Reynolds, who was at the wheel at the time, protested the action, claiming that opening her car door while she was in drive constituted a violation of Spork safe zone rules. Fendrick disagreed. Reynolds’s elimination was formalized by a tweet and a scribble in a notebook.

Reynolds was the sixth Community senior eliminated out of the 76 who paid $5 for a plastic utensil and in doing so launched themselves into an emotional, competitive game of betrayal and scheming. The rules are simple: participants must keep their sporks in the palm of their hands at all times or risk being eliminated by the touch of the spork of another active player. The last person left standing goes home with all $380 in participation fees.

Fendrick’s inspiration to organize Spork came from her brother, who ran the game four years ago, and from older friends who sporked in years past.

“I wanted to keep the tradition alive because it’s fun,” Fendrick said. “It’s something that’s just us and brings the senior class and lets us have some fun.”

After multiple shopping trips and a rush of last-minute sign-ups, sporking began Tuesday. Fendrick and co-organizer Isaac Scobey-Thal, in addition to providing sporks and collecting money, keep track of all eliminations and arbitrate rules disputes.

Personally, Fendrick is laying low and staying defensive, a strategy shared by Lydia Evans.

“My goal is to try to stay under the radar and not get sporked,” said Evans, who carried a pencil in her hand for days to train her hand and mind. “I’m not going after people because I don’t want to become the person everyone wants to get.”

Marcelo Salas, however, has been less reserved. “[Salas] has been a real jerk these past two days talking about how I’m on his hit list, how he’s going to get me, how I’d better watch out,” said senior sporker Eliza Upton. Wednesday morning during 2nd block, Salas’s words backfired.

“Little Marcelo was just sitting here and had his spork right on the table without a care in the world for his poor spork, who deserves love and attention from its owner,” Upton said. “And I just seized the opportunity and sporked him. I got that bad boy out.”

Upton, who the evening before eliminated Scobey-Thal during a meeting of the Neutral Zone’s Teen Advisory Council, had mixed emotions about her actions. “I felt a little guilty about getting [Scobey-Thal] out,” she said. “He spent a lot of time to organize as the whole sporks competition and I got him out on the first day. But Marcelo with his big talk, I don’t feel bad at all.”

Cameron McLaren, who like Upton has weeded out two Spork competitors, had his first victory during Physics. “Gabe Warschausky thought it was okay to put his spork down on the table to raise his hand,” McLaren said. “From across the room I heard the distinctive sound of a spork hitting the table. As soon as I located the target, I took him out. I ran across the classroom and stabbed him while his hands were in the air.”

The mental struggle to constantly keep spork in hand is a matter of Spork life or Spork death and must be accomplished by entirely natural means.

“No rubber bands, no putting it in your sleeves, no hair ties,” Fendrick said. “And something new that I didn’t expect was that Gabe Kardia tried to magnet his spork to his hand by taping a magnet to his hand and then taping a magnet to his spork. We made him take it out.”

“I try to keep it with me as much as I can,” Fendrick said. “I know I have volleyball practice I’m definitely going to keep it in my sock somewhere that’s easily grabbable if anyone tries to ambush me.” During school, Fendrick said most people stick their sporks between their first and fourth fingers. She, however, prefers the palm of her hand, where she fidgets with it to constantly remind herself to maintain spork vigilance.

@ChsSpork2015 on Twitter distributes elimination announcements as well as rules and reminders. “PERSONAL FITNESS KIDS ARE OFF LIMITS DURING THEIR BLOCK! Robbie’s orders!” reads one tweet. “What a cycle!! Anders Rassmusen sporks Jacob Johnson but breaks his spork! Anders forgets the head of the spork and is eliminated by Oren!!” reads another.

As of Tuesday morning, 57 sporkers remain.