Looking back, I find it impossible to imagine my dad’s thoughts. A five-year-old asking such a complicated question, to which no one could have an answer. Was he taken by surprise? Perplexed? Did I alter his understanding of me? After our FaceTime ended, I wondered whether he took time to reflect on life, ourselves and the value we bring to others.
I missed my dad. I shouldn’t have been surprised that he was away considering he was about to end his time in the army. Not being able to see him at this time was typical. While he was likely at some training, we were back home in Michigan. I had tons of questions for him. He is the one I discussed everything with. The person who can make the most sense of things and give the most valid replies.
In the office, my mom, sister Layla and I sat on a red pull-out couch beside a large collection of books. Our old MacBook Pro, nearly as big as I was, was mounted on the couch and leaning against the wall. Every night, Layla and I would FaceTime Dad before bed so he could read us a book and sing a song. I remember asking my question just before the call ended.
“Why is it just me?”
“What do you mean by that?” Dad asked. How long it took him to respond remains a mystery.I’m sure he was shocked.
“Why can’t I be mom or you?” I started to explain. “I can only see what I see and feel what I feel! I can never know what it’s like to be someone else. Why is it just me?”
“That’s a really good question! But I’m not sure how to answer it.” My dad said this in a way that expressed both amazement and confusion. It seems as though he had never considered having to explain this before. I don’t remember what came next. Although I’m sure we were both left wondering, I’d like to think that the question had an answer.
My dad’s pause following my question was a reflection of the profound nature of what I was asking. At this moment, he was faced with the realization that not only was a five-year-old trying to ask this question, but I, that five-year-old, was trying to understand the essence of human comprehension and the limits it comes with.
As I’ve grown older, I still think about this question and how it shapes my view of the world. My unique perspective on life inspires me and keeps me grounded. It has influenced my thoughts on the essence of the soul and true connection. I’ve come to understand why it’s impossible to fully live in another person’s reality and why we must respect each person’s unique world.
I’ve always felt the need to figure this out. The frustration of being confined to my own consciousness has driven me to connect with others. While there may be no clear answer, there are ways to approach this idea. I strive to empathize deeply with others, trying to understand their emotions and perspectives, even if I can never fully step into their shoes. This effort to connect and relate has become a significant part of my identity. That night’s question made me value empathy even more. To bridge the gap between my experiences and others, I make an effort to listen and relate to their experiences.
In retrospect, I realized how the question, “Why is it just me?” sparked my development and understanding. It prompted me to value the connections we make despite our limited viewpoints and to explore the depths of identity and empathy. That night was a turning point in my growth, enhancing my grasp of the human experience and changing how I view myself and others in my life.
