The Sporking Continues


Lucia Page Sander

Harrison Brown looks in his sporkless pocket

Eighty-three Community High School (CHS) seniors entered the 2022 spork game. Now, just 29 remain. According to senior John Umbriac’s half-life equation, the competition will be over by March 26. 

Umbriac, along with senior Tobin Cooney, is the creator of who got sporked?, A website which tracks the Spork Game’s progress, in addition to providing statistics and rules.

“I had never heard of a website being created [for the Spork Game],” Umbriac said. “I had just a few days before gotten into like, ‘what if I can make my own website and how would that even work?’ I decided this would be a good motivational project.”

Unfortunately, Umbriac was sporked early on: just two days into the game. Ironically, he was working on the website, typing without a spork in hand, and was caught off guard when a classmate swooped in for the kill. Umbriac blames his absent mindedness.

“[I think the winner will be] someone who hasn’t sporked anybody yet,” Umbriac said. “Someone who’s been laying low.”

Harrison Brown is a more recent sporkee. Brown lasted just over a month and was sporked voluntarily after a tragic accident in which he lost his spork biking to work. 

“I texted Talia, probably my closest friend here, and I was like ‘Talia, I need you to spork me tomorrow’,” Brown said. “I needed to go out on my own terms… It was actually surprisingly pleasant.”

As a decoy, Brown brought a clear plastic spoon to school. He hoped other competitors would note that he was holding something, but pass over what it actually was until Talia Briske arrived for the solicited sporking.

Brown hopes Briske will carry on his legacy by winning the contest, but isn’t too distraught over having been eliminated. He mentioned the likely possibility of the eventual winners having to divvy up the $540 prize.

“I probably made more money during that shift than I would have if I won the spork game,” Brown said. “Just because of the splitting of the money…I don’t get paid that well.”