Religion isn’t for me. I don’t believe in somebody controlling the universe; I believe in myself. During my childhood, I grew up going to church on Sundays. The food was great, but it felt endless listening to someone talk forever about something I didn’t think was true. Why was I sitting there?
My family kept attending church until I was about 11. We stopped going abruptly and haven’t gone back since. I still don’t know why, but I’m grateful that I now have more control over what I believe in. As I was distanced from Methodism, I started to form my own opinions on religion. In my eighth-grade social studies class, a friend told me that he thinks religion does more harm than good. These words stuck with me for a long time.
Like any Saturday since 16, I’m at the cafe whipping up lattes and cappuccinos. As my coworkers and I are talking to make the time go by, my coworker suddenly mentions religion. She starts to talk about how she grew up very Christian. Her whole family followed every testament, and she wasn’t given freedom to choose what she believed in. As she grew up, she stopped attending church and eventually came to the conclusion that she did not believe in any type of religion.
Immediately, I found myself curious as to how our childhoods compared. We both had believed in a higher power, but at different severities. She went to a Christian high school, and I went to Community High School.
During this side chatter, my coworker told me more and more, eventually describing her past experiences as religious trauma. I brought up my experiences and how I agreed with the fact that religion can occasionally create more harm than good. I explained how I never felt seen as a queer individual amongst people who were against my sexuality. I didn’t belong.
As she left, I realized my issue was never with religion itself, but with how far people can take it. For many people, it can positively help guide, comfort and direct their lives. But for me — and for her — it created more confusion and hurt than guidance. The conversation helped me realize that something can be good for someone and still not be right for me.
